By Ewere Okonta, PhD
08037383019
eob.org.ng
There are some things African parents don't discuss with their children. Sex is one of them.
In many Nigerian homes, a child can ask Daddy about politics, football, money or university admission. But let that same child ask, “Daddy, what is sex?” and suddenly Daddy becomes very busy.
“Mummy, I have a question about my body.”
“Go and ask your teacher.”
And that may be the beginning of the problem.
Because if parents refuse to educate their children about sex, somebody else will.
The question is: who?
PARENTING, SEX AND EDUCATION
Parenting is not merely paying school fees, providing food and buying Christmas clothes. Parenting is the responsibility of raising, guiding, protecting and preparing a child for adulthood.
Education is not confined to the classroom. It is the acquisition of knowledge, values, skills and understanding needed for responsible living.
Sex, on the other hand, is a biological and human aspect of life involving reproduction, intimacy and relationships. As children grow, they need age-appropriate knowledge about their bodies, puberty, personal boundaries, relationships, consent and responsibility.
These three, parenting, sex and education; meet at one important point: preparation for responsible adulthood.
And that is why parents must not run away from the conversation.
SILENCE IS NOT PROTECTION
Many Nigerian parents believe that refusing to discuss sex will keep their children innocent.
I disagree.
Your child has a smartphone.
Your child has WhatsApp.
Your child has TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.
Your child has friends.
Your child has Google.
Your child has access to information, good and bad, that previous generations could never imagine.
So, when Daddy says, “My daughter knows nothing about sex,” Daddy may simply mean, “My daughter has never discussed sex with me.”
There is a difference.
The child may already have learnt from friends, social media or pornography.
And that is why silence is no longer protection.
If the parent refuses to teach, the internet will teach.
SEX EDUCATION IS NOT SEX PROMOTION
This is where many parents become uncomfortable.
Teaching a child about the body, puberty, boundaries, abuse prevention, relationships, consent and the consequences of sexual choices is not the same as encouraging sexual activity.
A five-year-old does not need the same conversation as a fifteen-year-old.
But the five-year-old can learn that some parts of the body are private and that nobody has the right to touch them inappropriately.
The teenager can learn about puberty, peer pressure, relationships, responsibility and consequences.
Education must grow with the child.
And parents must grow with the conversation.
THE NIGERIAN PARENT MUST STOP OUTSOURCING EVERYTHING
We send our children to school and expect teachers to teach them mathematics, English, science, morals, discipline and now even sexuality.
But the teacher may have 50 children.
The parent has one child, or a few.
The school has a timetable. The parent has a lifetime.
A teacher can explain biology. A parent must help the child understand values.
A school can provide information. The home must provide guidance.
If your son learns about puberty in school, talk to him about it at home.
If your daughter asks questions about relationships, don't slap her for asking.
Curiosity is not corruption. Ignorance is not morality.
WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF?
Some parents say, “I don't want my child to hear about sex too early.”
Fair enough.
But are we more afraid of a responsible conversation with our children than we are of pornography becoming their teacher?
Are we more comfortable with a child secretly searching the internet than sitting beside Daddy and asking questions?
Are we really protecting our children or protecting ourselves from an uncomfortable conversation?
These are difficult questions.
But parenting is not about having only comfortable conversations.
Sometimes, responsible parenting means discussing what makes both parent and child uncomfortable.
OUR CHILDREN NEED BOTH VALUES AND KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge without values can be dangerous.
But values without knowledge can also leave a child vulnerable.
We must teach our children dignity, self-control, respect, responsibility and, where applicable, the values of our faith and culture.
But we must also give them enough truthful, age-appropriate knowledge to navigate the world in which they are growing.
As the Bible says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”
The answer to ignorance is not silence.
It is responsible knowledge.
SO, WHO IS TEACHING YOUR CHILD?
This Sunday, I leave parents with one question:
Who is teaching your child about sex?
You?
The school?
Friends?
Social media?
Pornography?
The street?
Because somebody is teaching.
And if you are not part of that conversation, you may discover too late that your child has already received an education from a teacher you never met.
Parenting is not just about keeping children alive until they become adults.
It is about preparing them to become responsible adults.
Talk to your children.
Listen to them.
Teach them.
Guide them.
And don't allow silence in your home to become an open invitation for the internet to raise your children.
Happy Sunday.
Dr Ewere Okonta is the CEO of EOB Media, a family-values advocate, teacher and writer. He writes from the Department of Business Administration, University of Delta, Agbor.
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